Yep, the great folks at Lancaster Archery, including Rob Kaufhold (Mr. Lancaster Archery) himself, are testing ArcherZUpshot this week.

Something you probably didn’t know about Lancaster Archery Supply:  they have three “official” indoor ranges that I saw (two at the Showroom and one at the warehouse, a few minutes’ drive across Amish Country), and at least one more indoor area with targets set up…  these dedicated archers shoot before work,  on their breaks, at lunch, on days off…. and they set up a shooting space wherever there’s room.

Rob Kaufhold

Wouldn’t YOU like to work there?

And — they are NICE.  The Lancaster crew (and we’ve worked with about twenty of them personally now, and met several more) are unfailingly polite, welcoming, helpful — but most of all, crazy on all things archery.  Such a pleasure, and such a privilege, to be working with them, each and every one.

Even the work spaces are wonderful.  The office walls are covered with beautiful hunting trophies — head and skulls of all kinds – each mounted over the desk of the hunter who shot it.  Unused table spaces are littered with sheds…  I was salivating as I walked through, until they took pity on me and gave me a couple.  (Thank you!)

And they’ve got some amazing gadgets… not just the stuff for sale, either.  My favorite was the automatic fletching machine:  an ancient, Rube Goldberg-ian piece of machinery that makes fletching 500 arrows a day no problem.

With these folks testing the ArcherZUpshot app, we’ll have it ready for release very soon… and I will let this much out now:  so far, the Lancaster crew is absolutely buzzing about it!

Stay tuned to this channel for more updates as they happen!

Bags to pack.  Check my list, and check it again.  Damn OCD.  Check the weather in New York.  Right… it’s COLD.  The daffodils may be popping here in Virginia, but not in Central Park.

Hit the Interwebs and look for an archery range in Manhattan.  “Probably not,” says the husband. “Real estate would be too expensive.”  He’s right, of course — as best I can tell, there’s a gun club in Brooklyn where you can shoot a bow, a couple places in Queens, and after that you’re out in Hackensack or up to New Rochelle.

I was more right than I knew about that Robin Hood Girl.

I’ve got work to do in New York this week, but I guess it won’t include shooting The Big Apple off anyone’s head.  (Which works out well since my aim isn’t all that good yet.)

I’ll be back after Easter.  Until then, I wish you all good shooting and LOTS of chocolate!

Newbie Archer Girl — Over and Out.

I am, among other things, an app tester.  My app-testing job consists almost entirely of reminding genius software designers that the rest of us lowly humans don’t speak Computerese.

We Normal People don’t necessarily intuit how to navigate complicated electronic interfaces.  We need it spelled out for us, in our native tongues. This is a core principle of the Newbie Archer Girl (NAG) App Evaluation Protocol:

No amount of computer genius will save a program that can’t (or won’t) speak to Normal People.

I figure most people get that.  So when I came across this discussion thread on archeryinterchange.com this morning, I was honestly shocked.

Back story:  A contestant in the Archery GB Nationals in November of 2012 had received this notice:  “Real time scoring will be available on your electronic device as with previous events.”  It included zero explanation about how to access said real-time scoring.

The contestant turned to Archery Interchange for an answer.  His query was addressed, but only barely:  “join a wireless network and then go to the right address.”  (That’s helpful.)

The fact that the question had to be asked at all raised a red flag in my app tester head, and the answer was worse.  Another NAG principle:  no matter how intuitive you think your software or app is, THERE SHOULD BE INSTRUCTIONS.  Hopefully the interface is so well-designed that no one ever needs to read them, but not having instructions is a guarantee of failure.

The thread continued.  I scanned further, skidding to a stop at this:

Really??

“there are electronic keypad devices at each target…”

KEYPAD devices??  What, are we still in the 1990s?

It gets worse.

Keypads and Arrows Don’t Mix.

The keypad devices were, at least in 2012, attached to the target.    Brilliant.  You think some might get damaged by arrows?  (Duh, never thought of that.) And when that happens — and it will — what’s that going to do to your tournament?

Maybe not as much as you might expect – considering that another poster noted what a pain it was WHEN THE DEVICES OFTEN STOPPED WORKING.  (Presumably without being shot.)

And there’s even more!

To ice this absurd cake, another poster noted that the devices had an “archaic interface,” and were “extremely slow”; also that they were holstered just off the side of the boss… and were WIRED.

AGGGGGHHHHHH!!

It’s no wonder electronic scoring is viewed askance by so many.

I’m no archery expert – we’ve established that.  (In case of confusion, review byline:  NEWBIE Archer Girl.)  I am, however, a reasonably intelligent person, and while I am not a programmer, I am moderately facile in the electronic world.

Having allowed myself stupidity carte blanche with that caveat, I will now share with you the AGGGGGHHHHHHs that jumped out at me.  I hope you will all comment with your own thoughts and ideas.

Newbie Archer Girl’s  AGGGGGHHHHHHs:

1.  Instructions.  Instructions.  Instructions.  (Did I mention Instructions?)
2. Make the interface — AND the access to it — totally intuitive to Normal People.
3. Lose the keypad.  Touchscreens are faster, more accurate, and WAY more fun.
4. Lose the wires, too!  The Good Lord invented the Cloud for a reason, people!
5. Stop holstering your devices to the boss, for heaven’s sake!  Put them in pockets instead.
6. There is NO excuse for an archaic interface.  None.  Not in 2013.

The AGGGHHHH phenomenon is not limited to Archery GB, an organization for which I have only the greatest respect – except in this regard.  And “this regard” seems to apply to nearly every archery organization in the world.

I’ll be the first to admit that the early attempts at electronic scoring were, shall we say, less than stellar; but therein lies the nature of progress.  We learn from our mistakes, we build better; we move forward.

Let’s not allow the popularity of Archery to be stopped cold by a stubborn adherence to paper scorecards, based on the specious argument that there aren’t any perfect electronic scoring systems out there yet.  Electronic scoring WILL replace paper.  The sooner that becomes a well-designed reality, the more young people – the generation that lives on their iPhones — will stay in the sport.

So let’s hear from YOU.

What do YOU want to see happen with electronic tournament scoring?

Could any phrase be more (oxy)moronic?  It elicits an odd mental image of a burly guy in camo posing next to Ki Bo Bae in tennis-match white with her cute little floppy hat — the polar opposite of “style.”

But wait!

Thanks to the preponderance of Post-Apocalyptic and Pre-Industrial Age archery in recent pop culture, Top Designers are propelling armies of anorexic models onto the runway, tightly garbed in an endless parade of archery-themed outfits.  Runway designs are by definition ridiculous (does anyone ever actually wear that stuff?), but the new Faux Archeress style raises absurdity to an art form.

Ribbons and…. Arrows?

Our first Faux Archeress comes to us from Fashion Gone Rogue, dressed for a campaign called The Beauty Games from Swedish retailer NK.

     <<<<    What is wrong with this picture?

Putting aside the shirt, the hair and (dear lord) the eyebrows, I ask you this:  is it even possible to shoot a bow with fingernails that long?  And what have we been told over and over about slinging that recurve over our shoulders?

Right.  Don’t.

(I would also mention that I’ve seen prettier arrows every day this week on my Facebook feed, but that would be mean.  So I won’t mention it.)

Contestant Number Two comes from Korea’s Next Top Model.  Here we see Jang Mi Rim, sporting a jaunty red recurve with all the bells and whistles, with a matching red belt for her quiver.

Unfortunately, the neckline of that dress would be a problem were she to actually shoot (can you say “wardrobe malfunction?”); however, we can draw a breath of relief because, handily, she has forgotten to nock an arrow.

Our third model, found on Chicquero, is described as edgy, high-fashion and sporty.  I can’t argue with the first two, but – sporty?  The outfit is leather, so flexibility is pretty much out; and can you imagine actually shooting a bow in those heels?  Not to mention  how horribly inconvenient that collar is going to be.

And can we take just a moment to marvel at that bow?  Not at the custom paint job… no, look how it’s strung.  At first glance, it appears to be a recurve strung backwards, like an awful echo of the recent Brave model Oscar Fail, but then… I don’t think it’s strung backwards.  I think it’s just been cranked to ruination.  Good luck actually shooting anything with that, oh Goddess of Post-Apocalyptic Survival.

Then from the Hermes line, we get…  I’m not sure exactly.  Is that a quiver?  Or a quiver-themed handbag?  Clearly those boots weren’t made for walking, and our model appears to be nowhere near a place she might reasonably expect to use a trad bow; and if she does shoot, those sleeves are  gonna be just plain trouble.

She does have the whole Robin Hood thing going on, though.  Or maybe just the “Hood” thing.

In the Celebrity department, we find Lucy Liu in the closest approach yet to reality.  Her recurve is set up and strung correctly, and her form’s not bad – we’ll ignore her hands – and she gets major chutzpah points for that feather.  The vest and skirt are tres chic – I know I’d wear them – but NOT for archery practice.  Lucy has, however, racked up so many points as a sci fi icon that I, for one, am willing to forgive these small oversights.

No discussion of anachronistic archery apparel could be complete without Xena, the Warrior Princess.  While she didn’t pick up a bow often, she could handle one when the need arose.  (I didn’t say she could handle it well.)

Here, Xena exhibits the incorrect bow arm position necessitated by her intriguing choice of battlefield attire: a steel bra.  But hey, who can argue with a woman as ferociously heroic as Xena?

Especially when she’s wearing a steel bra.

Should you be of a more prosaic mindset, The Geeky Hostess brings you these Arrow Tights, with which, for the miniscule sum of $60 (plus shipping and handling), you can “show your interest in archery and break the ice.”

Uh, right. IF you happen to be younger than 25, have fabulous legs, be drop dead beautiful AND a total extrovert with an amazing sense of humor.

Or possibly a guy.

Lastly, for the archeress who wants to be smart on a budget, we have the iconic Brit collection from Emily Style, including the cashmere cardigan, wool skirt, navy polo, leather boots, and a wool tote.  Just the thing for the Mrs. McGillicuddy in all of us.

There you have it – Newbie Archer Girl’s Archery Fashion Review for today.  Guys, don’t feel left out – we’ll address male archery fashions another day.  And on that day, you’d best pray I didn’t find any embarrassing photos of you floating around the Interwebs.

Until then, it’s time to practice my shooting.

In jeans and a t-shirt, thank you very much.

Green Arrow (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Like many other superheroes, the Green Arrow is the alter ego of a billionaire.  The Vigilante Superhero business is expensive, after all.  So many gadgets, toys, fancy cars – not to mention the payroll for the staff that designs and manufactures all that tech, and you know what a top-flight bow costs  –  but luckily for him, Oliver Queen owns Queen Industries, which serendipitously generates the uncountable flow of cash needed to fund his Superhero avocation.

Oliver is a world-class archer, a handy skill for a human Superhero.  His version of a Bat-belt is a quiver of clever trick arrows which deliver such moderately interesting payloads as smoke, fire, grapples, tear gas,  and even Kryptonite.  Archery talent must be heritable; when Oliver was killed off in the 1990s, his son Connor Hawke replaced him as the second Green Arrow.  Unfortunately, nobody really liked bratty Connor, so Oliver was resurrected in 2001, just in time to prepare for the current archery craze.

The Green Arrow’s most recent incarnation is in the live-action adventure superhero series Arrow, just renewed for a second season on The CW.

Having heard some disgusted murmurs about it, I looked up Green Arrow’s CW equipment – on Smallville, he reportedly shot with a compound, but his comic book bows are recurves and longbows.  GEEKDAD of Wired Magazine scathingly summed up the most current tackle:

“The big fail here is the equipment… who stores their bow in a big wooden crate? Why not a regular bow case? Second… the bow has been stored still strung; nobody who knows anything about archery would ever do that… Third, what kind of bow is that? To me, it looks like a modern take-down recurve that somebody has stuck a bunch of pseudo-steampunk brass fiddly bits onto for no good reason. More importantly, it looks like a child’s bow, maybe 46″ long or so. A bow of that size is suitable for a kid up to about age 10 … For an adult, it’s much too small…. Most likely this is a case of either the director or the prop-master going for a bow that they thought “looked cool,” probably over the objections of an archery expert they hired to ignore.”

Oh well, so much for verisimilitude.  It’ll still be fun to watch.  As a Superhero junkie, I‘ll force myself to overlook the equipment flaws.

The Green Arrow has been called Batman With A Bow, but he has neither the rich internal conflict nor the temptation of the Dark Side that constantly torments the incomparable Caped Crusader.  What he trades on is his intentional resemblance to a beloved legend.

Oliver Queen dresses like Robin Hood.  Well, at least he dresses like a muscle-bound, steroid-blasted, obscenely rich caricature of the fabled common-man folk hero.  But he does seem to be all about fighting for the underdog AND he’s an archer, so I guess it’s cool.

Therefore, because he wears green, shoots some kind of a bow and fights bad guys (and perhaps more importantly, because St. Patrick didn’t), the Green Arrow is my Archery Superhero of the Day.

Time for a green beer.

Photo credit: Martin Deutsch

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It keeps me going.

Does anyone else occasionally get just flattened by it all?

With one notable exception.

Ann Weber Hoyt

In 2007, slightly more than a year before Ann’s death, Frank Addington of bowhunting.net conducted an extensive interview with her.  That interview probably contributed more to Ann’s legacy than her own Archery Hall of Fame ever could. Though Frank asked her no truly personal questions, Ann’s irrepressible and singular personality, too immense to keep reined in, persisted in sneaking out between the lines.    Her words, as chronicled by Frank, painted  a picture in my mind:  a woman of strength, intelligence, compassion and courage, but also of mischievous humor, a healthy ego, and a strong tendency to buck the status quo.

In short, a woman I would have loved to know.

Born in 1922, Ann grew up a world where women were expected to keep house; where those who worked outside the home rarely rose far and were looked upon askance by many.  Fortunately for archery, Ann’s parents were progressive thinkers, which paved the way for Ann to look toward broader horizons.

A Whirlwind From The Start

Ann Weber must have had an extraordinarily sharp and organized mind.  She graduated second in her class in both high school and college, while keeping a part-time job and participating in several extracurricular sports.  In high school, she picked up a bow for the first time and excelled, winning multiple titles and earning a #4 rating from the NAA at age 17.   She won four individual intercollegiate archery titles for her college, and iced that cake that by graduating magna cum laude.

After shattering all existing records in the US National Archery Championship while still in high school, Ann went on to become a National Archery Champion 5 times and World Champion twice.  She was (and I believe she still is) the only archer ever to win both Target and Barebow titles.  She won the Eastern Target Championship fifteen times.

My fingers get tired just typing all  the stuff she did.  She was a whole crowd of people rolled into one athletic body.

Archery Job, Archery Play, Archery Husbands

It was no coincidence that her part-time job was with the Robin Hood Archery Company, a four-man archery equipment manufacturer.  She learned to do every task there, making lemonwood bows from scratch and finished arrows from raw materials, painting target faces, along with the more mundane chores of packing and shipping.  Shedding her earlier aim to be a teacher, she went to work at Robin Hood full time after her graduation, making archery her vocation as well as her avocation.  Nearly an obsession, truth be told – she’s quoted as saying that she had pretty much no social life outside of archery.

Ann & Earl Hoyt Get Married

In 1948, she married Lloyd Corby, a superb all-around archer and gymnast, as she was.  They shot together until his demise in 1958.  She already knew Earl Hoyt through her work:  Robin Hood Archery sold the Hoyt bows, and Earl would often watch her shoot.  They were married in 1971, for a blissful 34 years, during which time she worked by Earl’s side at Hoyt Archery in St. Louis, helped sell it, and eventually helped Earl start another bow company, Sky Archery, in 1989.  Ann was 67 by then, but she and Earl worked side by side in the factory producing fine bows.  After Sky was sold, Ann continued to do business from her home until 2003, when she finally retired at the age of 81.

The Two Anns

The Two Anns

In 1955, Ann Hoyt met Ann Clark at an archery tournament, where they became fierce rivals. Eventually they also became great friends, together so much that they are still known in the archery world as “The Two Anns.”  They scandalized archery society back then by wearing strapless tops (gasp!) while shooting at tournaments.   Because they were both beautiful, and both superb championship athletes, they could get away with this kind “outrageous” behavior, setting precedents for challenging dress codes everywhere.  We have them to thank, in large part, for the emergence of other rule-flaunting, sassy, emancipated female icons such as Janis Joplin, Gloria Steinem, Princess Leia, and of course, Buffy, the ultimate Crossbow Girl.  Ann Weber (then Corby) even shot barefoot, solidifying her reputation as a rebel.  The two Anns competed for decades, then moved in together after Earl passed away.  They resided together until Ann Hoyt’s death in 2008.

The list of Ann’s other accomplishments is breathtaking.  She and Earl were instrumental in establishing the Archery Hall of Fame; they created a scholarship program at the University of Missouri-Columbia; she was a charter member of The Dianas, the first organized all-female bow-hunting group, and a tireless humanitarian who gave her time to Meals on Wheels. She helped in the development of the first JOAD clubs.  She donated to innumerable charities.

Larger Than Life

Frank Addington’s story revealed much more than he intended of Ann Weber Hoyt.  She was not just an archeress, just a philanthropist, just a strong woman.  Ann Weber Hoyt shines out through Frank’s pen as an incorrigible, mischievous imp; a woman who could love deeply, totally; a bit of a show-off, a bit of a braggart; a born rebel, always on stage, charismatic, personally charming yet ruthlessly efficient; and most of all, a woman who never, ever gave up.

Ann summarized her life in archery, recorded by Frank in these words:

“The essence of archery is not in winning a tournament but in the enjoyment of participating and of sharing in the spirit of sportsmanship and fellowship as manifested by the archers.”

Word.

Ann Weber Hoyt – Paving The Road Ahead

The 1500 year old Japanese samurai art of horseback archery is called Yabusame.  This morning, I came across an article about yabusame from Catrien Ross of Energy Doorways.  For some mysterious reason, I paused.

I think it was the picture, at first anyway.  It spoke to me.  Maybe the beautiful scenery – maybe the woman (I think it’s a woman) exhibiting such extreme competence and confidence, captured aiming her amazingly long recurve bow from the back of a black stallion in mid-gallop.

Further down, Ms. Ross listed the personal growth inspirations she’d taken from attending the 2010 Yabusame Festival near Mount Fuji.  Her insights grabbed my wandering eyes by the neck and slammed them to a total stop.

Yabusame-Inspired Lessons

It’s not about competing with others.

It’s about being the best only you can be in the present.

It’s not about winning applause.

It’s about dancing with your unique abilities and talents.

It’s not about taking home the prize.

It’s about reflecting harmony, prosperity, and shared abundance.

How wonderful is this?

I translated her lessons into my own:

Samurai Wisdom in NEWBIE ARCHER GIRL’s World

Stop worrying about besting other people; DO be the best you that you can be — Here and Now.

Put aside the idea that you should please others; DO waltz beautifully with your own inner self.

The real prize isn’t the medal, the check, or the buck; it’s the sense of community we build from the love of a discipline we all share – that’s what we take home together and what brings us back the next time.

If the whole world embraced this, we might truly merit the title of “Civilization.”

What archery has to teach us never fails to amaze me.

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I recently unearthed an unholy secret:  the dreaded Zombie Apocalypse has already begun, but it’s not what you’d expect from watching “Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Living Dead.”  Rather, it seems that silent, shifty Zombies are surreptitiously invading the hallowed halls of Facebook, Liking everything in their path, sowing the destruction of All That Is Right And Good In The World.  They’re like stinkbugs – they are omnipresent, they can slip into your house through tiny cracks, they fill up your light fixtures and carry the stench of corruption and death.

Except for the light fixtures.  I haven’t found any Zombies in my light fixtures.  (Yet.)

But I AM finding them here, in Archery Bloggerland.

I’m probably the only idiot who didn’t already know this, but…  some of the bloggers here on WordPress and elsewhere… AREN’T REAL.

“GASP!” you exclaim, reeling backwards in shock.  “What dastardly doings have you witnessed to make you think this?”

In reply, I, Annoyed Newbie Archer Girl, bring you:

THE 8 SIGNS OF A ZOMBIE BLOG

1.   The “About” That Isn’t.

From a Zombie About page:

“This is an example of a page. Unlike posts, which are displayed on your blog’s front page in the order they’re published, pages are better suited for more timeless content that you want to be easily accessible, like your About or Contact information. Click the Edit link to make changes to this page or add another page.”

You guessed it, this is the website template verbiage.  Really?  REALLY?  Not even an attempt at wearing a human mask?

2.   Zombies Don’t Understand Names.

The titles of these blogs are almost invariably <firstname><middleinitial><lastname>, with no spaces, all lower case.

Examples:  richardbchancee, matthewtcruz, ernestinejmontgomery.

The names have been slightly altered to protect the possibly Living but most likely horribly Dead.  Or Undead.  Or whatever it is that Zombies are.

3.   Insane Category Lists

Many of the Zombie Bloggers offer “expert advice” in thirty or more such diverse subjects as Cyber Law, Motorcycles, Psychology, Asthma, Horse Racing, BBQ Recipes, Step-Parenting, and of course, Archery.

I guess the Renaissance Man is truly Dead.  Or Undead.

4.   Random or Absentee Photos

Zombie blog header photos tend to resemble the header photos of Zombie Facebook accounts – some vaguely artistic shot of a shiny steering wheel, a pine cone, or a snow-covered forest.  There are NEVER any pictures in the actual posts.

This is probably because Zombies can’t see very well, you know, being like Dead and all.

5.  Topnotch Bee’s Knees and Cat’s Pajamas

At least on WordPress, every one of these sites I’ve found so far has a header motto stating that it is a Topnotch Site, the Bee’s Knees, the Cat’s Pajamas, merely Great, and in one case, “The Greatest In All The Land.”

Come on, now.  How many Bee’s Knees and Cat’s Pajamas can there be?

6.  Zombie Are Cannibals

If you are still in doubt as to whether you are reading a Zombie Post, do this simple test:  Copy the first sentence and paste it into a Google search window.  If you find an exact match in the first three hits, you can be pretty sure the content was cannibalized, a hallmark of Zombies everywhere.

It does cast doubt on the Zombies’  Archery Expertise.  Wouldn’t it depend on whose brain they ate?

7.  Zombies Suck At Marketing

A cut and paste to illustrate, from a blog post entertainingly titled “A few Growing Difficulties For No-Fuss Reports Plans:”

“Keeping superb care of your bow & other archery equipment will mean years of excellent fun for a single expenditure. & with many excellent instruction or lessons you’ll find that you do not even lose loads of arrows. Maybe pop to mortgage brokers list of pulling credit for clear specifics.”

Yep.  That’s the link I want to click for more information on care of my bow.  Especially with many excellent instruction.

8.   Zombies Suck At Translating, Too

Another cut and paste, this one to show classically bad translation:

“In fact, youth compound bow open the gateway to a whole new world of wonder and enjoyment with these revolutionary bows. Now your son or daughter who is interested to participate in this sport don’t have to settle for the women’s bow which may be extremely uncomfortable for them and ill fitting at the same.”

You’re not wrong.  The word “time” is missing from that last sentence, and it wasn’t me that left it out.  It sorta feels like the Zombie’s rotting hand fell off at precisely the wrong — ah — time.

It’s Maddening!!

I spend a large chunk of every day attempting (with varying degrees of success) to create a timely and topical essay that will hopefully amuse, entertain, and/or educate – but the infernal Zombies put up ten posts tagged “Archery” for every one I can write.   The Living Archery Bloggers are nearly drowned out by all the aimlessly wandering Dead – or Undead – on WordPress and elsewhere.  Although — if you are reading this, you did find me at least, and believe me, I’m grateful.

And you can bet your sweet rear end that you won’t get THAT from a Zombie.

Do Zombies Control The Interwebs?

Zombie Conspirators euphemistically label this Undead Mayhem “Automatic Blogging.”  Based on the 282 MILLION Google hits for “Automatic blog,” I’m going to go out on a limb here and say this is common.  It might even be that Zombies outnumber the Living in Bloggerland.  A scary thought indeed.

If you, dear Reader, happen to be EVIL, and have succumbed to the Dark Side in to a twisted desire to grow and farm your own Zombies, you can use the tainted evil wizardry of  automaticblog.net or one of its many clones to create your very own Zombie Blog.

But if you do, I warn you now:  Leave Archery off your Category List.

Or you’ll find Newbie Archer Girl tracking you down, armed with her trusty bow and her Flaming Arrows of Zombie Doom.

I admit it.  I’m kind of a nerd about England.  I totally dig it.  I love the traditional British cuisine, especially dishes with exquisite names like “Bubble and Squeak” and “Spotted Dick.”  I prefer the BBC News, which, lacking soundtracks, celebrity obsessions and blazing graphics, makes our American news shows look just plain tacky.  My second favorite drummer is Bill Bruford.  I’ve memorized likely half the Monty Python repertoire, and can sing “The Philosophers Song” from beginning to end — which I often do, to the acute distress of my children.

There’s a reason our OTHER company motto refers to “Crazy People.”

Then — three British archery stories cross my desk in a single morning.  I’m hooked.  I read them.

Frank Maguire
Picture: Christian Cooksey

First:  Glaswegian Frank Maguire, who was serving in an anti-terrorism unit in Northern Ireland in 1996.  (“Nothing good can come from that opening,” you mutter, but you settle back comfortably anyway.  You already know I like stories with happy endings.)

Frank wrassled with a bomb and lost.  It damaged his legs, but worse than the physical damage was the legacy of PTSD.   It was the one enemy the former military man could not defeat.

Frank is quoted in a Herald Scotland article:  “It’s a weird effect, like watching a DVD over and over… I’m a guy who has, effectively, got BBC1 stuck in his head with nothing but repeats showing.”  Frank’s PTSD devastated his life – until a serendipitous event led him to take up archery.  Archery became a key to Frank’s ongoing cure, helping him regain concentration, discipline and self-esteem.  He is now so proficient that only an administrative oversight kept him out of the last Paralympics, and currently he’s aiming for Rio.

See? Happy ending!  What a guy.  I feel inspired.  Optimism creeps warmly into my chest.

On the weights: England forward Tom Wood

Then there’s Tom Wood, English rugby forward, featured in a Daily Mail article with a title that begins: “It’s Top Secret!”  What exactly was top secret isn’t quite clear, unless it’s Tom’s secret desire to be a lumberjack (..and he’s ok…), his shameful attraction to the music of Dolly Parton and Celine Dion, or possibly that his favorite pre-match meal is beans on toast.  (Only in Great Britain.)

The article, while not exactly a deep and insightful look into the man who is Tom Wood, did reveal this interesting fact:  if his house was burning down, he would save his wife and kids first – and then his bow and arrows!  Tom rated himself as a “keen” archer who takes his archery gear everywhere he goes.

Cool, dude.  And cool dude.  You have to respect an archer who publicly admits to committing Celine Dion karaoke.  He’s a famous athlete and he’s not a jerk.  I find I’m smiling.

Gymnasts Kristian Thomas and Dan Purvis
Photo courtesy Archery GB

Archery GB posted the last story, an account of four members of Great Britain’s Men’s Artistic Senior Gymnastics team challenged by a group of Archery GB’s top shooters to a head-to-head match.  (The story does beg the question of what exactly Men’s Artistic Senior Gymnastics is.  Please tell me it’s not performed in Speedos.)  The gymnasts received some coaching before shooting it out, but guess what?  The gymnasts lost!  Ah, but all in good fun, tut tut and all that.  There are rumours of a back match, in which the archers would complete in gymnastics.  Unless those archers do an awful lot more cross-training than I do… well, it’s guaranteed to be better viewing than those silly Japanese giant inflatable obstacle course shows.  I hope they televise it.  On BBC, of course.

Now I’m grinning ear to ear.

The common thread that weaves these three disparate stories together (besides archery, that is)?

A positive, grounded, non-egotistical worldview, sorely missing from American news media.  Which is why we don’t watch the news (BBC excepted) in our house.

These aren’t world-rattling stories.  No devastation, no melodrama, no hypermacho posturing, no bling, no wardrobe malfunctions.  This is real life, the way you and I hope we might live it.  Frank’s life might have been ruined, but he takes up archery, recovers from PTSD, heads for Olympic competition.  Tom, a world-class forward in a world-class game, is a guy you could enjoy having a beer – or shooting a few ends — with.  The GB archers didn’t ridicule the gymnasts – they coached and then praised them, and just might enjoy themselves in a return match.

We need a good dose of that wonderfully humble British attitude here in the United States of Me, Me, Me – except in Archery, where, by all indications, we already have it.

I believe it’s called “Good Sportsmanship.”

…I’m a lumberjack and I’m OK, I sleep all night and I work all day……’Ello Mrs. Premise; ‘Ello, Mrs. Conclusion….Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table….it’s Getting Hit On The Head lessons in here…..

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries…